Mommy balancing

SO! Life with 4 kids, 4 and under, is going okay. I am once again having Mommy Guilt. I just recently finished a contract job locally, and there my boss was very understanding and flexible when it came to me needing to flex time in order to make appointments and be there for the kids.

Almost three weeks ago, I started a new position, and there it is NOT flexible at all. I just wish I could find somewhere that is truly flexible and actually pays decent.

When I tell you I have looked into EVERYTHING! Shipt, Instacart, Uber, Lyft, Doordash, UberEats, Bite, GrubHub, VipKid, All the other sites like VipKid, ModSquad, Secret Shopping, Sitel, TTEC, All the other at CSR companies, etc… I just wish I could find a real solid job where I could just be treated like a human being. I have to clock in to 2 different systems at work. Our software and computers are horribly slow, so If I don’t get to work early, the computer will show me as late once it boots up. My coworker got coached for clocking in three minutes early from lunch. It’s just a WAY different environment and management style than what I had hoped for. I thought my days of being micro managed were over.

What does everyone do to have stable income and flexibility to support their kids? I feel like its been a constant battle for me… one that I am failing at consistently :-O I know, I know, I just started a job a few weeks ago, but yes today I called out. Not being able to have my phone out, and not having a direct line is really a buzz kill. A few minutes ago the daycare called and told me that one of my twin’s fingers got smushed in the door jam. I wouldn’t have been able to receive that call if I were at my current job. I am just looking for a job where being a mother/human isn’t frowned upon, but celebrated.

Other than my issues with finding flexible and lucrative employment, the children are doing well. My oldest is almost done with VPK, and is Kindergarten ready. I am so excited for him. The twins and my itty bitty are doing well at daycare. They love learning and I am so excited for them.

Again, JOBS. What do you do? HOW do you balance work and kids and romance? What works? What doesn’t work?

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Squishy and Jiggly

Yes,  those words describe the current state of my stomach. After having number 4 my body just isn’t snapping back like I would have hoped. After having the twins I slimmed down to my normal chubby self. Now after number 4 I am my heavier chubby self. My chubbiness fluctuates. I just started working again at a local bank, and our project has taken some time to come together. I have been sitting at my desk eating out of boredom. I appreciate the quiet time though 🙂

I never thought that I would be the kind of mom that would think of daycare as a Godsend, but I have been fortunate to have found a daycare where the workers truly care about my kids. Since daycare is so expensive, I have the older three in daycare and the smallest one is with my mother. I was blessed to be able to stay home for the better part of the last two years with some temp jobs here and there. Diapers are expensive, so this mama has to work.

After our happy surprise of baby number 4, we have been contemplating purchasing a bigger home. I never thought we would outgrow our townhome so soon. I just need to work on job stability, and help build our savings back up.

How do you know when you are done having kids? Some days I am 100 percent sure I don’t want anymore. I feel like our family is complete. Then other days I miss being pregnant. I think I am done though. Still working towards that vasectomy for DH.Easter1617.

I see a lot of women with children have their own businesses as another stream of income for their households. I have thought deeply about starting my own business, but the time and the effort are what I feel I may lack at the present time. Like right now, it’s 1001 Eastern time. I am about to take my ass to sleep. How can I run my business if I am always sleepy and tired lol?

Welp, I closed my eyes for too long, so I am going to lay down. If anyone has any business ideas or websites that they like the best, please share. Have a good night!


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Life when you have 4 kids under 4…

Life is actually good. That doesn’t mean it isn’t stressful, but all is well. After doing IVF to conceive our 3 year old son, then doing an FET cycle to conceive our 15 month old frat twin girls, we were shocked and excited to welcome our surprise baby girl 2 months ago. The best thing my husband and I have done in my opinion is to have a set routine daily of what goes down in the house. It just helps so much when it comes to dinner, bath, play, sleep, wake up, daycare, work, pick up kids, repeat.

When it comes to birth control we have talked about my husband doing a vasectomy. Even though I feel like I am done, and I don’t want anymore children… I still would like to wait until we are like 34, 35 just to be sure. Sometimes I want to try just to see if it would happen again without any assistance from fertility doctors. I am curious if my PCOS is gone? I also would love to try for another little boy, but a healthy baby is what’s most important. My doctor said that I have minimal scar tissue but maybe I shouldn’t *do it again*. I wasn’t really sure why she said that, but I do think it’s because I have had 3 c sections, and one of my pregnancies was a twin pregnancy, so my body definitely needs to recover. I have basically been pregnant for like the last 3 years lol.

I just spilled coffee on my favorite housecoat…

Seven years ago, I interviewed for a pt job at Merrill lynch, help desk position. I got the job, but since then I have had A LOT of jobs. I am searching so hard for a career that will work with having 4 children under 4 but it is hard. I started teaching high school during my last pregnancy but it was just too much. I was exhausted. I am hoping now that I am not pregnant I will hopefully have the energy to teach again. I just don’t want to give up because I really need career stability. My husband has been so supportive of all of my career and mood changes lol. I just want to be stable enough on my end to be able to return the favor and support him with his career goals. He is a much better worker than me. I have got to get my sh*t together.

I am taking my math certification exam grades 6-12. I am nervous but since I have this open contract with my school district to teach math and if I don’t pass this test I won’t be certified. If I don’t get certified I won’t have a job. Pray for me 🙂




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Almost 22 weeks update

I figured I would blog through my pain. The weeks are going by so fast, and I am just not able to keep up. I am so grateful to be pregnant right now… I mean this is our miracle baby! I just feel that my decisions have taken me away from really being able to enjoy this pregnancy and connect with this baby like I wish I could. Instead of thinking of where the new baby will sleep, breast feeding or formula, stocking up on diapers… I am just frazzled by all of my responsibilities with my new job.

Financially things have been tight due to the back to back pregnancies. I haven’t been working consistently since our son was born Fall 2013. I thought by accepting this teaching position at a local high school that I would surely be setting my family up for a great financial future. Out of pure desperation and excitement I took the first job that was offered to me, which was to teach HS math. I felt that this is the only safe place for me to share my true feelings without getting fired hopefully lol.

Many of the students checked out mentally a long time ago. Many of them honestly do not care. I have overheard plenty of them scheming to *get teachers removed* from their classes or transferred to other classes. I believe one of my classes in particular is gunning for me to leave by making class instruction difficult. Even though the school year started in August, I didn’t get hired until three weeks ago. In my three weeks of teaching I have witness students constantly on their phones, cussing and fussing with each other, stomachs out because they wear crop tops, a student throwing a book at another student in my classroom, students just walking out of my classroom, and sadly a student crying outside of my classroom because the whole class was being so disruptive that it made his head hurt.

Awe hell, I just dosed off a bit while typing this. That’s how excruciatingly exhausted I am. I fear falling asleep at the wheel some days. The mental demands of this job are intense. I just pray the baby is okay. Baby 4 is a girl!! I am so excited to meet her but I am terrified because I am so stressed that I am not eating at work, I am not able to drink like I want to so I am dehydrated, the students are extremely disrespectful and many are downright stupid, the district has so many rules procedures and policies that we must follow which gives us teachers extra work. I am just so exhausted. I don’t want to be a failure. I want to take care of my family. The timing is really bad. I am so worried. I just dozed off again. I really want to finish my thoughts but I keep falling asleep. I just want financial stability so bad, but my health is slowly deteriorating. I just hope the baby is alright, To anyone trying to conceive out there , peace and many blessings unto you. Take care!


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Surpise Egg!

Sooooo… long story short… I am pregnant. My fertility doctor gave my husband and I about a 5% chance of conceiving on our own and wham! It happened. I have Pcos and there were some count issues on the hubby’s part. We always thought that if it diddddd happen spontaneously that it wld be a surprise baby maybe in our mid to late 30s. (I am 29, DH 30). I am so thankful, surprised, nervous, and excited. Since we have had issues with fertility we went the IVF route to have our son, and we had our frat twin daughters with the frozen embryos left over from that cycle. This is such a blessing for us. I just pray for a healthy pregnancy, baby, and safe delivery. We will have 4 under 4! If you are out there waiting for your miracle, don’t worry it will come. Sometimes you have to move on and put it out of your mind and that’s when it happens.

After the birth of our twins (they are 5 months), I went on the bc pill. My hair fell out in clumps so I stopped taking the pill. My husband and I have been together for 9 years and have never gotten pregnant without ART, so I didn’t think anything would happen anytime soon. The day my cycle was supposed to start I went to the docs for something totally unrelated. I needed meds and before they could prescribe me anything they had to do a urine test and boom it was positive. I cried happy tears and told the doc about our past fertility struggles and she started to tear up too. I texted my hubby and told him to call me asap. He called me and i told him. My hubby was Sooooo excited. This baby is truly a blessing. This is my first time in my life being pregnant without ART, so everything is so different. I am grateful, yet forever humbled by our previous struggles.





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Baby love

3 days til the twins are three weeks old. I am still in awe that I am a mother of three children. When my husband and I first started our fertility journey I really didn’t know what to expect… I mean IVF, and all that goes with it was just something I saw on TLC’s “A Baby Story” episodes. I never knew what really went down. The appointments, the needles, the injections, the needles, did I say all of the needles? It was a tough experience, but it was *our* experience, and I am so humbled and thankful for it. Below are are a couple of photos. I hope everyone is having a Happy New Year so far.

My birth story is fairly short. I was scheduled for my elective c section on Thursday 12/31 (38 weeks, I had Di/Di twins). The twins thought it would be better to be born on Tuesday 12/29 instead, so at 8:55am, my water sprang a leak. I wasn’t sure my water had broke at first, so I just texted my husband “I think my water may have broke.” He just told me to keep him posted. After getting up to walk to the bathroom to investigate, the leak turned into a waterfall, and I quickly texted my husband that indeed my water had broken lol. He called me, we chatted, he left work, flew home, called my mom, she flew over to the house, picked up our two year old, called the hospital, they told us to come in, we flew to the hospital…

They did the normal check ups once I got to the hospital, confirmed it was indeed amniotic fluid that I was leaking and got me prepped for my c-section. I had great doctors and nurses. That anesthesiologist was GREAT! I had a great, and easy c-section and babies came out healthy at 37 weeks 5 days! Brianna (Baby A) was 6 lbs 15oz (pictured on the right), and Brandy (Baby B) was 6lbs 4oz. No NICU time. I am so thankful for these two little healthy babies. Now that we have three under 3, I think we are done having babies. Plus, we don’t have any more frozen embryos, so unless a miracle happens naturally, I think our family is complete and I am forever grateful for the science of Assisted Reproductive Technology. Thank you to everyone out there who has followed our IVF journey and our FET journey. I wonder what the future will hold!

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12.29.2015 Happy Birthday!

This will be pretty short, just wanted to update everyone.

I scheduled my c-section with my doctor for 12.31.2015, but the twins had other plans. My water broke at 855am on 12.29.2015 and they were born via c-section at 1:24pm and 1:25pm. They are both healthy and we are so thankful for them! What a great way for us to bring in the New Year! Thank you to everyone who prayed for us and sent their well wishes our way, they were all much appreciated!



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Over the 37 weeks hump!

Hi Everyone! It has been so long since I have blogged, let me jump right in.

April 2015, did a FET of two embryos. Ended up becoming pregnant with twins. This is our second pregnancy. Our first pregnancy was via IVF. Transferred two embryos that time as well, but only had a singleton, our DS.

People say all the time, “I would love to be pregnant with twins. What a great way to get it over with a be done!” Well, I hate to be a dream crusher, but being pregnant with twins has been extremely difficult.

1st Trimester: Extreme nausea. This was the gagging, I can’t breathe because my food is in tiny little bits type nausea, and I thought I would die from suffocation because of the food in my throat. Diclegis helped a bit, but I only had a sample of it. Other nausea meds gave me extreme headaches so I didn’t take them. Prenatals gave me stomach discomfort, constipation, and no matter what time of day I tried to take them, or what I tried to take/eat them with, nothing helped, so I stopped taking them. (I also stopped taking prenatals with DS, I just couldn’t stand them.)

2nd Trimester: Sh*t got real. I didn’t have energy for ANYTHING. I had just started a job at a local college here, and I felt like such a failure because I just couldn’t keep up. I was so tired and stressed from falling behind at work that I had to put in my notice and resign. I was so disappointed because financially we needed that money! Hell, we are going from 1 kid to 3 kids! We are just grateful for family because they have really helped out with hand me downs, and other baby donations while we are smiling yet struggling with one income.

3rd Trimester: F*ck this sh*t! Yup that’s how I feel right now. I am so over being pregnant. I know everyone says pregnancy is such a joyous experience, but I feel like being able to bring life into this world is beautiful….brewing two babies at once, not so pretty. My legs and feet are swollen. I mean this pitting edema is on a whole-nother-level! Twin A is an olympic gymnast and kicks the sh*t out of me all day. My pelvic floor aka vagina bones hurt like crap. I can barely walk, and when my bladder is full, its excruciating to walk to the bathroom. I have resorted to wearing the Always brand adult underwear while sleeping because I am terrified that I may have a bladder spill, but I am secretly hopeful my water breaks lol. Oh yeah, my nips are dryer than four used dryer sheets. Organic coconut oil, nip cream, lotion…nothing has worked on these nips. I am delivering at a hospital that forces I mean *promotes heavily* breastfeeding, so let the cracked titty games begin.

Butttt…. at the end of the day. I am thankful to have two healthy little ones in my stomach. Two little girls will be here soon. The doctor stated that since I have Di/Di twins that I could schedule my c section at 38 weeks. (I decided on a C because I previously had one, and since it’s twins this time around, I didn’t want to try pushing out two babies when I haven’t even tried to push out one.

I am just going to pray for a safe delivery. I also would like to send positive vibes out to those who are TTC, experiencing infertility, or are pregnant and  uncomfy lol. Also, if you are reading this, and you are clutching your pearls, please don’t think I am ungrateful. I just wanted to give everyone an honest account of what I am going through. If it weren’t for A.R.T. and my faith, I honestly wouldn’t be here, so I am very grateful. Don’t ever give up. Sometimes the babies and children we raise don’t come out of our bodies, and sometimes they do. I just pray that everyone out there just remembers that they are always being watched whether it’s by your own kids, family member’s kids, or just the random kid watching you in Starbucks. Just try to remain positive and set good examples for these little ones watching.

Well please keep us in your prayers. 12/31 is the date! Thank you for reading and positive vibes to all!



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Over the halfway hump… 21 weeks 4 days…

While I am thankful to be pregnant with twins, it has been a very different road than when I was pregnant with just one (DS). These girls have been kicking my ass. I guess since my DS was born via c-section, all of my lower abdominal muscles are invisible, because it honestly feels like one of the girls is hanging out of my vagina. I am thankful that my cervix is good, but there’s a lot of pressure at the bottom of my stomach. I can’t stand for long periods of time anymore, nor can I walk. It is all for the greater good.

I was definitely shocked when the nurse told me that I was having two girls. This whole time I just knew at least one of the babies would be a boy, but nope they both have girl parts. It just makes me wonder if both of the blasts attached separately and we have fraternal twins, OR if one blast didn’t attach and the other blast split in two creating identical twins…I guess we won’t really know until they get here.

This time around, since my son is almost two, I was thinking about having just a diaper party instead of a baby shower. I am extremely exhausted and I just don’t think I will have enough energy to fully give to a full baby shower. Plus, there are some really great discount stores and retail stores near me, so I feel like I can handle getting the clothes, and baby items myself… but then again that brings me to my next thought…

During my last pregnancy I left my job, tried staying at home, but financially we just couldn’t swing it after my husband got laid off from his job. It was back to work for me, and a new job transition for him. This time around I am not so sure what is going to happen to me work wise. I just started working at another local college, so once the babies get here I will once again have no FMLA protection. My new job also doesn’t offer short term disability, so even if my bosses do work some type of leave plan out with me, it will be unpaid. Going from a family of three, to five, on one salary terrifies me. I am not sure how it will all work. I want to be with my babies so bad, but I also want to be able to provide for them as well. I have tried so many work from home jobs, and I just hate being on the phones with a passion. I wish I could go part time with my current job, but I won’t hold my breath either. There just has to be a way to find a good balance.

My son just recently turned 2, so I will have 3 children 2 and under. While I am fortunate to have my mother and grandmother who are both retired… I really would like to raise them *my way* with their assistance.

I have been thinking of so many master plans to try to make extra money to be able to stay home for at least 6 months to a year, but I am slowly coming to the realization that my dreams may not become a reality.

If there are any moms working from home, non phones, please share your job roles with me. If there are any moms out there trying to conceive, please hang in there! Sending positive vibes and baby dust to all.

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Man it’s been a rough few weeks but the BABiES are doing good!

Yup, there are two in there. I am still in shock that both blastocysts stuck! I have been going to weekly ultrasounds. My 9 weeks appt is on Thursday. I just get so nervous because with a history of fertility struggles you never stop worrying until they make it out of your stomach healthy and safe, and you are healthy and safe as well.

The morning sickness was REAL bad around week 6. My doctor gave me samples of Diclegis. It helped but it made me so tired, and dizzy. I realized that taking the folic acid, vit D, prenatals, Estradiol, and Progesterone Inserts in the morning was making me feel horrible. I know it’s not the best thing to do but I have stopped all meds except the Estradiol and the Progesterone. I feel much better. I still may throw up here and there, but it’s usually because I ate something horrible. (I had greasy cheesy bread from little ceasars…. i should have known better lol). To sneak vitamins in me I have been drinking 1/3 to 1/2 a Boost or Carnation Breakfast Essentials shake a day. The only reason I don’t do a whole one in a day is because the sugar content is soooo high in both of the drinks!

Welp, I am currently IN BETWEEN jobs. I have accepted an academic advisor job at a local university, due to start on the 1st, but I have an interview tomorrow at my old job bofa for a video teller position. I am interested in the video teller position because I am seeking something less stress. Yes the pay is horrible in comparison to the academic advisor position. but bofa has great health benefits which we definitely need. Whatever is supposed to happen will happen though. I am not worried just am gonna put everything in God’s hands.

My grandmother just passed this past Friday, and the family on my dad’s side is driving me nuts. I will just leave it at that lol.

Hope everyone is doing well. Sending positive vibes to all!

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